after leaving the amphitheater, alisaie had gotten them both back to the apartment they shared. she'd pushed alphinaud into the shower while she prepared some basic sandwiches, and then ordered him to eat while she took her own. free of blood and tears, she'd bulled them both into the bed.
they had their own rooms, as children, but while travelling they'd often been given one room, one tent, etc. so it was not uncommon for her to share her lodgings with her brother. he did have a bed here, and a room, but after such a raw experience as the amphitheater, she didn't want to be far from him. she'd dare say he felt much the same.
it's only after some hours, resting side by side or back to back, that she speaks, not facing alphinaud. ]
In the amphitheater, you said... it felt as if everything you tried to bury came spilling forth. You never told me.
[ of the two of them, while neither was good at masking emotions, alisaie felt she'd always been the one with her heart on her sleeve. she thought she could read alphinaud better, but maybe their time apart had changed that. she'd no idea it had gotten so bad for him. ]
[He doesn't want to talk about it. He really doesn't want to talk about it.
Even though everything is well and good now, Alphinaud is still mentally reeling from what transpired. His back slightly aches from where the wings pierced him serving as an annoying reminder despite the hot shower. Still, Alphinaud doesn't want to talk about what happened there at the amphitheater. While they're both quite fortunate not to succumb to the negative effects of that dreadful affair, Alphinaud can't help but feel as if the whole ordeal opened Pandora's Box. He knew the conversation would come sooner than later but he was still hoping that Alisaie wouldn't ask.
So when she does, Alphinaud cannot help but sigh.]
...I didn't want to worry you. [He mutters while keeping his gaze on the wall.] I didn't want to worry you or anyone else.
[ she has half a mind to fuss at him for that - except she knows they are as alike as they are not, and that she would likely do the same thing. (she has done the same thing).
she doesn't turn to look at him yet, but he can likely feel her own, quieter sigh against his shoulders. ]
You realize that I'm going to worry over you anyways... and so is everyone else. [ she shifts a bit. ] I knew that things had been hard on you since Ishgard, but I did not realize...
[He reminds silent for a time as he gathers his thoughts. Even though it's been a full year, Alphinaud cannot help but feel as if it was yesterday that he had to flee Eorzea with all of the known-world after him. He lost nearly everything. His friends, the Crystal Braves, and nearly all of his ambitions. As he watched the Scions fall one by one, Alphinaud felt a piece of himself nearly die with them. It was nothing short of a miracle how they managed to survive but Alphinaud still blames himself for what transpired. Everything changed so suddenly and so violently. He didn't have a chance to process his loss once they reached the outskirts of Coerthas. That dreadful year left its mark upon him but Alphinaud did his best to keep that hidden.
After all, he didn't want his sister to know. He never intended for Alisaie to know just how he felt about the whole ordeal. It wasn't her place to know and he certainly didn't plan of burdening her with the knowledge of it. ]
I apologize, Alisaie.
[Alphinaud mumbles under his breath as he closes his eyes.]
[ there's a heavy sigh behind alphinaud again, and this time she shifts up. it might seem as if she's going to move away, but after a moment she comes back, her arms encircling her brother from behind. she tucks her chin into the curve of his shoulder. ]
I understand, and you've no need to apologize.
[ she ... gets it. there are her own issues she must bury away lest they see the light of day. but she worries that she could miss such grief within her own brother.
she can't genuinely tell him it's not his fault either. she knows the situation, and she knows his hubris is what brought is downfall. she won't lie to him, but neither will she remind him either.
instead, she squeezes him in a gentle hug. ]
It is okay to cry though, you know. Everything that happened... it was so much. And much of it unfair.
[ At first, Alphinaud was scared she would leave. The two of them used to be so close when they were little often accompanying each other whenever their parents were off on business. While they most certainly had their quarrels, Alphinaud loves his sister and always wanted to be there for her. However, this isn't something he'll admit easily lest he wants to hear Alisaie gloat about it. Alphinaud is much more tenderhearted than he seems. He knows this and she knows it just as well. ]
Alisaie? [ He tilts his head to the side a little until he felt a familiar warmth at his shoulder. ] Oh...
[ Her embrace is like a healing balm, one that blankets Alphinaud with the warmth he missed since the death of their family. It serves as a reminder of happier times away from the misery that grips him still. Even though the boy strives to keep his melancholy at bay, Alphinaud never forgave himself for all the woe he caused and perhaps never will. Still, Alphinaud knows better than to allow this misery to overcome him. That's why he strives to forget it even exists.. ]
I don't want to cry. [ He proclaims despite his eyes starting to sting from unshed tears. ] I don't have the right to cry.
Not after...everything I've done. Not after all the death and sorrow, I caused.
[ Alphinaud does his best to keep the tears at bay but they start to fall regardless. ]
[ a quiet assurance, that she's not going anywhere and doesn't intend to. perhaps it's a small blessing they were both taken; even if back home they'd have no idea, they both have each other here.
she waits, listening to him after he proclaims he doesn't want to cry. there it is; no right to cry, not after everything. the root of the issue, really, and she squeezes him tightly when she feels wetness on her arm. ]
And when did you decide you had to have a right to cry?
[ blunt, and to the point; exactly her type of comfort. she frets over him quietly, one hand rubbing at a shoulder. ]
In fact, perhaps you must, because you recognize your mistakes.
[ such a small word for what the braves did, but she is trying. ]
You are allowed to cry for them, to grieve the loss that we have all felt as well.
[ she won't offer the only other bitter comfort she has: that if it wasn't alphinaud, and illberd, or nidhogg's eyes, it would have been some other bright young lad, another victim of war, another source of aether the ascians would have manipulated. ]
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POST EVENT ][ closed to alpinaud
after leaving the amphitheater, alisaie had gotten them both back to the apartment they shared. she'd pushed alphinaud into the shower while she prepared some basic sandwiches, and then ordered him to eat while she took her own. free of blood and tears, she'd bulled them both into the bed.
they had their own rooms, as children, but while travelling they'd often been given one room, one tent, etc. so it was not uncommon for her to share her lodgings with her brother. he did have a bed here, and a room, but after such a raw experience as the amphitheater, she didn't want to be far from him. she'd dare say he felt much the same.
it's only after some hours, resting side by side or back to back, that she speaks, not facing alphinaud. ]
In the amphitheater, you said... it felt as if everything you tried to bury came spilling forth. You never told me.
[ of the two of them, while neither was good at masking emotions, alisaie felt she'd always been the one with her heart on her sleeve. she thought she could read alphinaud better, but maybe their time apart had changed that. she'd no idea it had gotten so bad for him. ]
no subject
Even though everything is well and good now, Alphinaud is still mentally reeling from what transpired. His back slightly aches from where the wings pierced him serving as an annoying reminder despite the hot shower. Still, Alphinaud doesn't want to talk about what happened there at the amphitheater. While they're both quite fortunate not to succumb to the negative effects of that dreadful affair, Alphinaud can't help but feel as if the whole ordeal opened Pandora's Box. He knew the conversation would come sooner than later but he was still hoping that Alisaie wouldn't ask.
So when she does, Alphinaud cannot help but sigh.]
...I didn't want to worry you. [He mutters while keeping his gaze on the wall.] I didn't want to worry you or anyone else.
no subject
she doesn't turn to look at him yet, but he can likely feel her own, quieter sigh against his shoulders. ]
You realize that I'm going to worry over you anyways... and so is everyone else. [ she shifts a bit. ] I knew that things had been hard on you since Ishgard, but I did not realize...
no subject
[He reminds silent for a time as he gathers his thoughts. Even though it's been a full year, Alphinaud cannot help but feel as if it was yesterday that he had to flee Eorzea with all of the known-world after him. He lost nearly everything. His friends, the Crystal Braves, and nearly all of his ambitions. As he watched the Scions fall one by one, Alphinaud felt a piece of himself nearly die with them. It was nothing short of a miracle how they managed to survive but Alphinaud still blames himself for what transpired. Everything changed so suddenly and so violently. He didn't have a chance to process his loss once they reached the outskirts of Coerthas. That dreadful year left its mark upon him but Alphinaud did his best to keep that hidden.
After all, he didn't want his sister to know. He never intended for Alisaie to know just how he felt about the whole ordeal. It wasn't her place to know and he certainly didn't plan of burdening her with the knowledge of it. ]
I apologize, Alisaie.
[Alphinaud mumbles under his breath as he closes his eyes.]
But I thought...I thought it was for the best.
no subject
I understand, and you've no need to apologize.
[ she ... gets it. there are her own issues she must bury away lest they see the light of day. but she worries that she could miss such grief within her own brother.
she can't genuinely tell him it's not his fault either. she knows the situation, and she knows his hubris is what brought is downfall. she won't lie to him, but neither will she remind him either.
instead, she squeezes him in a gentle hug. ]
It is okay to cry though, you know. Everything that happened... it was so much. And much of it unfair.
no subject
Alisaie? [ He tilts his head to the side a little until he felt a familiar warmth at his shoulder. ] Oh...
[ Her embrace is like a healing balm, one that blankets Alphinaud with the warmth he missed since the death of their family. It serves as a reminder of happier times away from the misery that grips him still. Even though the boy strives to keep his melancholy at bay, Alphinaud never forgave himself for all the woe he caused and perhaps never will. Still, Alphinaud knows better than to allow this misery to overcome him. That's why he strives to forget it even exists.. ]
I don't want to cry. [ He proclaims despite his eyes starting to sting from unshed tears. ] I don't have the right to cry.
Not after...everything I've done. Not after all the death and sorrow, I caused.
[ Alphinaud does his best to keep the tears at bay but they start to fall regardless. ]
no subject
[ a quiet assurance, that she's not going anywhere and doesn't intend to. perhaps it's a small blessing they were both taken; even if back home they'd have no idea, they both have each other here.
she waits, listening to him after he proclaims he doesn't want to cry. there it is; no right to cry, not after everything. the root of the issue, really, and she squeezes him tightly when she feels wetness on her arm. ]
And when did you decide you had to have a right to cry?
[ blunt, and to the point; exactly her type of comfort. she frets over him quietly, one hand rubbing at a shoulder. ]
In fact, perhaps you must, because you recognize your mistakes.
[ such a small word for what the braves did, but she is trying. ]
You are allowed to cry for them, to grieve the loss that we have all felt as well.
[ she won't offer the only other bitter comfort she has: that if it wasn't alphinaud, and illberd, or nidhogg's eyes, it would have been some other bright young lad, another victim of war, another source of aether the ascians would have manipulated. ]